It was the winter of 2005, a few months after I had started my dream job as sports editor of The Star-Ledger. A huge task (and time suck) for sure.
Two weeks into being a coach for my oldest son’s second-grade rec basketball team, I told the other coaches I had to pull back. I couldn’t be a coach. The job was too demanding.
It was the biggest mistake — and biggest lesson-learned — in my life.
I had so much regret that season that I never missed an opportunity to coach again.
I thought of that moment Wednesday night, sitting in the same Morris Plains gym where I made that fateful decision, watching two of my sons referee a rec league game together. They were paying it forward, giving back to a recreation program that meant so much to them.
I couldn’t help looking back, realizing gyms like this (not to mention baseball, softball and soccer fields) had given me some of the greatest work-life balance moments of my life.
***
Anyone who has ever heard my bio before a speaking engagement has likely heard this fact: I’ve coached more than 100 rec teams. Five kids … multiple sports and seasons … they add up fast.
I often coached multiple teams in a single season. It was an incredible juggling act. And it was only possible because of my incredible spouse, Lori, who often was taking care of the other four while I was coaching one of them.
She never told me it was too much.
And when I suggested it was, she always offered this: “It’s the only one-on-one time you get with them.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
I never favored my own kids (ask them), but when a dozen or so pairs of eyes are looking back at you in search of guidance, it sure was nice that one set was so familiar.
***
Work-life balance and youth-sports balance are two different things.
Sharing youth sports with your kids is a great experience — as long as you both keep it in perspective.
We never did true travel teams. Going to the next town (or next county) over was as far as we went. I never had an out-of-state trip. That seems to be too much. And too expensive.
That’s why I’ve always been a big fan of rec leagues, those that give ordinary kids (the ones that don’t train year-round) a chance to learn the true lessons of sports: Teamwork, taking on a new challenge, success-and-failure.
You can’t tell me winning an out-of-state tournament against elite competition is any better than just winning a rec league title over the kids you go to school with. In fact, I’d suggest the rec league championship is more special.
I know it’s not possible for everyone to rearrange their schedule to coach, but I implore you to just do it once. You’ll learn more than the kids.
***
Adults get a bad rap in youth sports. And for many reasons, they should.
But then there’s this: I’ve always explained to my kids that local leagues (or programs of any sort) only survive and thrive due to the efforts of parents willing to put in the time.
A Fall Ball league in our town was created because one parent put the energy behind it. An Odyssey of the Mind program was started due to the singular dedication of another parent. Hundreds of kids benefited because of those efforts.
Our community was better off because of it.
That’s why it was so thrilling Wednesday night to see a next generation of leaders starting to emerge.
Two rec games between Morris Plains teams and teams from Florham Park and Dover were played that night because adults found time to coach kids who aren’t going pro — and likely aren’t even playing in high school.
They got to play because my two young adult sons showed up to ref (a job that’s becoming increasingly harder to fill).
And I got one more special night inside a gym.
